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特级教师 葛文山:深度解读2017苏锡常镇二模作文

[日期:2017-05-05] 来源:  作者: [字体: ]

特级教师:深度解读2017苏锡常镇二模作文(以电影《肖申克的救赎》为切入点)

原创 2017-05-05 葛文山 葛文山原点英语

各位高三英语教师,大家辛苦了。由于高考英语考试时间安排的特殊性,导致大家5月3日整个晚上值班,5月4日上午和中午辅导,今天上午还有阅卷,这样连轴转的疲惫,只有高三英语教师才能体会到。

考试一结束,我就认真研读本次考试的作文题,抢时间写了几点建议,供大家在阅卷和评讲试卷时参考。(完稿时间为5月5日凌晨)

一、思维拓展——优秀与平庸的分水岭

作文题中给出材料的大意是:在大象小的时候,驯兽员会用一根小绳子栓住它,时间一长,小象就慢慢习惯于被绳子拴着,不再尝试挣脱,尽管这时候它长大后有足够的力气扯断小绳子。

第二段该如何立意?如何解读故事里面的a small rope呢?

学生的思维比较活跃,解读肯定有许多版本。建议阅卷和评讲时,不要局限于参考答案(failures),应兼顾到学生的发散性思维。再说了,这个部分本来就是考查学生的思维能力,应该鼓励他们创新思维。我想到了几个版本,供大家参考,大家如果更多更好的解读,欢迎给我留言:

第一种解读:生活中的挫折(setbacks and failure),这是参考答案中给出的解读,这里就不多说了。

第二种解读:负面情绪(negative feelings and emotions)。这一点也非常好,正好与题目给出材料的最后一段吻合:The man was amazed.These animals can break free from their bonds at any time, butbecause they believe they can’t, they are stuck right where they are.

第三种解读:心理学的舒服区(comfort zone)。关于舒服区,Cambridge Dictionary是这样定义的:a situation in which you feel comfortable and in which your ability and determination are not being tested. 这样立意也符合文意。

第四种解读:“制度化(institutionalization)”读完题目,我马上就想到英文电影《肖申克的救赎》(The Shawshank Redemption)。这是我最喜爱的一部英文片,是我每届学生的必看影片。影片的主题与作文题材料的寓意完全一致!请看主人公瑞德在电影中的一句经典台词:

These walls are kind of funny.First you hate them, then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so dependent on them. That’s institutionalized. 

监狱里的高墙实在是很有趣。刚入狱的时候,你痛恨周围的高墙;慢慢的,你习惯生活在其中;最终你会发现自己不得不依靠它而生存。那就是制度化。

一个人生活的现状就是一堵无形的高墙,从童年的逆反心理,到少年的叛逆,说白了都是对这堵高墙的痛恨,希望能破墙而出。

慢慢的,当你一天天的变老,你会渐渐的发现有这堵墙其实也挺不错的,能遮风挡雨,能给你营造一个虽然封闭但是安全的环境;到最后你就会从喜欢到依靠。人的一生也就这样结束了。 

二、叙述主体——记叙文摘要的命门

在刚刚结束的兴化、沭阳、太仓等地的作文考前辅导中,我给孩子们分析了记叙文摘要的写作要领:抓住叙述主题,抓大放小,抓住文章的主要事实和观点。

在所有的文体中,记叙文摘要的写作难度比较大,尤其涉及多个人物时,我们要善于抓住主要人物和事实,并找准叙述的主体,这一点非常重要,否则你的摘要就会语无伦次。

在给出的材料文章中,有a man, a trainer, the elephants, a small rope等四个主要人物,其中the elephants是文章的主要人物,应成为叙述主体,我在最近一次苏州尖子生作文辅导讲座中有详细说明,听过讲座的同学可以参考听课笔记。

在作文讲座中,我曾反复强调过:给出材料中往往隐藏着文章的主要观点和事实,考生可以直接找出来,转述paraphrase一下就可以用了。例如,本题的给出材料中的第二段就是本文的主要事实和观点:

原文为:…when they are very young and much smaller we use the rope of the same size to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away….

这里讲的是一般规律,当然也适合用来描述本文的主语the elephants. 转述时,注意对关键词conditioned进行解释和说明。

转述后的摘要:When young, the elephants were tied by a small rope. As the time went by, they became so used to the situation that they stopped making attempts to get away.

关于paraphrase的技巧,我在作文辅导讲座中已经重点阐述,并举了大量实例,请同学们认真复习听课讲义。 建议高三教师们在考前多教授学生一些转述的实战技巧。

三、美文诵读——战场上的自带干粮和水

如果说,第一段的摘要写作是“依葫芦画瓢”,考生还有话可说,那么,第二段则考查考生的话题材料的储备量和英语思维力。

高三教师们可以建议考生在答题时要先在头脑中检索一下,以前有没有背诵过与话题有关的相关材料。如果有,直接拿来使用。比如,在刚刚结束的太仓、宜兴、兴化、沭阳等地的高考作文辅导讲座中,就刚刚讲过这个话题,记忆力好的学生可以直接引用,岂不省事!

第一段材料:屡败屡战,走向成功

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success. For example, success didn’t come easy for Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. He lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, “I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s why I succeed.”(摘自《高考英语作文好词好句好段》第231页)

第二段诵读美文:如何面对学习上的失败

You can't let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying. (摘自《高考英语作文好词好句好段》第222页)

第三段诵读美文:面对失败

If you couldn’t learn how to face failure with a peaceful mind, you would never achieve your ambition. Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means you haven’t succeeded yet. Failure doesn’t mean….(摘自《高考英语作文好词好句好段》第212页) 

四、铿锵有力——豹尾成就满分作文

本题的最后一个写作任务是,你自己如何解决这问题?如何面对生活中的一个又一个挫折呢?如果你的学生身边有《高考英语作文好词好句好段》一书,请打开到228页,看第21个美文段落的最后一部分,稍加改写,就可以直接引用了:

I will learn to accept that failure happens. The most successful people in life have all failed. The difference between them and those who live in fear of failure is that successful people face the failure, learn from it and use it to spur their next attempt. They persist because they know that failure is simply part of achievement. (摘自《高考英语作文好词好句好段》第228页)

如何你也看过英文电影《肖申克的救赎》,那你肯定记得下面这句台词,也可以在你的作文结尾处加上去,肯定能起到画龙点睛的效果:I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feather are just too bright. 

附作文题原题和参考答案:

附录一、作文题(2017苏锡常镇二模)

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, and no cages either. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.“Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the rope of the same size to tie them and, at that age,it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.”

The man was amazed.These animals can break free from their bonds at any time, but because they believe they can’t, they are stuck right where they are.

【写作内容】1.以约30词概括上文的主要内容。2.以约120词谈谈你的看法,内容包括:(1)这个故事有什么寓意?(2)你如何解决这样的问题? 

附录二、参考答案样文

The story is about the elephants and the rope. These elephants made no attempt to break free from a small rope simply because they failed to make it when young.

The message conveyed in this story is crystal clear: don’t let the fear of failure hold you back from pursuing your dream. It’s easy to give up, but you will remain stuck where you were. It’s difficult to persist, but you will always have something in return in the end.

Therefore, faced with failures or frustrations in our lives, we shouldn’t act like these elephants,limiting ourselves to a confronted world simply because we failed before. Actually, ‘failures’ can be regarded as stepping stones along our path. If we respond in positive ways and focus on what we choose to achieve, success is around the corner. In a word, our attempt many fail, but never fail to make another attempt.

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