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英语好作文:高考写作训练指导

[日期:2013-08-29] 来源:《中小学外语教学》2013第三期  作者:葛文山 [字体: ]

 板凳须坐十年冷,文章不写半句空。

    但,我们总显得有点急躁,指望听几场专家报告,就能醍醐灌顶,想到医治聋哑英语的灵丹妙药;指望读一两本英语教学专著,就能融会贯通,架起横跨理论和实践的桥梁;指望听几堂优秀教师的示范课,就能茅塞顿开,找到放之四海而皆准的教学模式;指望读几篇别人的发表论文,就能笔下生花,写出令人叹服的好文章来。这一切的一切,都是因为我们太急功近利,慌不择路间,没有找到属于我们中小学英语教师自己的行走方式和表达方式。

    笔者想通过本专栏,与大家一起探讨如何找到质点,研究我们的教学、学生以及我们自己,如何回到原点,表达身边的案例、故事和成长心路历程,如何耐下性子来,坐十年冷板凳,无怨无悔,做真实有效的教学研究,真情流露,写实实在在的文章,不说半句浮华的空话。 

 

第一篇:英语好作文:高考写作训练指导

——从第三届全国苏派名师展示课谈起

 

刊发于《中小学外语教学》(中学篇)2013年第3期

英语好作文鈥斺敶铀张擅φ故究翁钙


 

20121130,应江苏省苏派名师研究中心和张家港教育局的邀请,向来自全国的高中英语老师上了一节高考英语作文训练指导课,深得与会专家和听课教师的好评,现把它总结成文,想借助于《中小学外语教学》杂志这个更大的平台,奉献给更多的读者。

一、布局谋篇

在动笔之前,学生需要先审题,了解题目的要求,对文章的体裁和结构有一个整体的宏观规划。一般来说,高考英语作文是一篇100—150字的英语小短文,通常由两三段构成,构建语篇的篇章结构有以下四种基本方法[1]

㈠列举描述法

在讲故事时,我们常常使用列举描述法(collection/description),通过时间顺序或空间顺序,罗列一些事实观点、事情的细节、特征等零散的信息。在报刊杂志中,记者往往采取新闻写作法(journalistic writing style)来构思行文,一篇新闻报道必须包括五个W,也就是who, what, where, when and why. 例如2012年北京高考卷的作文题:

假设你是红星中学高三1班的学生李华,校报英文版正在开展续写雷锋日记活动。请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序,将你所做的一件好事以日记形式记述下来,向校报投稿。

 

【样文】This morning, walking on the street, I met two strangers who were studying a map. They looking worried, I realized that they must have been lost, so I asked them what I could help them with. They told me that they would go to the Temple of Heaven. Then I led them to the nearby bus stop and told them a No. 20 bus could take them right there. Soon afterwards, the bus arrived. Not until they got on the bus did I wave goodbye to them and left. I was so glad that I could help others.

上面这篇样文就是按照时间顺序来布局谋篇的,常使用到一些表示时间的过渡词,如shortly after, ever since, at the same time, before long, first, second等。表示空间顺序的过渡词有:on the left, in the middle/center of, at the foot/top/end of, on the other side of, to the left/right of等。

㈡因果关系法

因果关系法(cause/effect)可以先阐述原因,再说结果,也可以先提出一个社会现象,然后分析导致这个现象的原因。例如2012年高考安徽卷的英语作文题:

假设美国某中学的学生明天来你校访问交流,主题是高中生对文、理科的选择。请你用英语写一篇发言稿,向他们介绍你所做的选择,并说明选择的理由。

【样文】High school students are faced with a choice between arts and science. Most students make their final decision, depending on their hobbies and interests, weaknesses and strengths, and future goals. Having taken everything into consideration, I made my final decision to be an arts student.

There are some reasons accounting for my choice. First, arts lessons, full of famous people and events, are extremely interesting and enjoyable while abstract concepts and calculation in science lessons are very boring. Second, the choice of arts can help me achieve my childhood dream of becoming a lawyer or translator. Third, I am better at arts than science, which will enable me to perform well in college entrance exams and get admitted to my dream university.

值得注意的是,导致结果的原因往往有很多个。在这种情况下,除了主要使用因果关系法以外,我们还要辅助使用列举描述法来陈述多个原因,比如上面样文中的第二段就是采用了列举法。

㈢问题求解法

有一类作文要求学生描述一个问题,并向报刊专栏、相关专家等求援。这时,可以采用问题求解法(problem /solution)。在陈述问题和求助时,常使用到一些表达表达方式(下面样文中的加下划线的句子)。例如2011年高考全国卷I的英语作文题:

假定你是李华,正在一所英国学校学习暑期课程,遇到一些困难,希望得到学校辅导中心的帮助。根据学校规定,你需书面预约,请按要求写一封信。

【样文】…I’m LiHua, a Chinese student taking summer courses in your university.I’m writing to ask for help. I came here last month and  found my courses interesting. But I have some difficulties with note-taking and I have no idea of how to use the library. I was told the Learning Center provides help for students and I’m anxious to get help from you. I have no class on Tuesday mornings and Friday afternoons. Please let me know which day is OK with you. .…

有时候,作文的题目要求也会反过来,让学生阅读一份求助或咨询信件,然后写一封回信,提出解决问题的对策。例如2011年高考广东卷的第二节读写任务,让考生先阅读一篇文章,了解一个学生无法适应寄宿学校生活,然后写一篇文章,向这个需要帮助的学生提出切实可行的建议。

㈣比较对照法

比较对照法是广大师生比较熟悉的一种方法,学生需要先根据题目的提示和要求,提炼出一个论点,通常是一个疑问句或whether引导的从句,需要讨论才能得出最终结论。然后,比较支持不同观点的论据。例如201211月苏州高三调研试卷作文题:

从南京彭宇案开始,社会就陷入助人恐惧中,最近,你们班就是否应该帮助陌生人展开了讨论,同学们就这一话题意见不一,你的看法如何?

赞成

帮助他人是美德;帮助他人就是帮助自己;……

反对

怕陷入麻烦,甚至危险;

怕被误解;……

你的观点?至少两点理由。

【样文】Recently our class had a discussion about whether we should help strangers. Opinions are divided on this topic.

Some think we should try to help others whether they are strangers or not.Helping others is a virtue, and it will make our society more harmonious. Besides, to some extent, helping others is helping oneself. We may come across some trouble and need others' help some day.

However, others disagree. They are afraid that helping others can sometimes bring us trouble or even put us in danger. Sometimes we are just misunderstood and are trapped in big trouble.       

In my opinion, we should learn to protect ourselves while lending a hand to those in need. Only if everyone tries a little kindness, will society be full of love and trust be established between people.

在时间写作中,可以建议学生常采用四段式来组织文章的结构:第一段开门见山呈现某一有争议的社会现象;第二段阐述正方观点;第三段介绍反方观点;最后一段再说自己的支持哪一方。

二、发展段落

在搭好文章框架后,就要开始组织每一个段落的写作内容。不少学生发现要么无话可说,要么话题太大,无从着手。这时,可以建议学生采用目标分析法,把一个大话题化整为零,分解成多个小话题,再各个击破,去构思和发展语篇。

㈠在限制性作文中的应用

有一些作文对自由发挥的要求不高,在题目要求中已经给出文章的篇章结构和主要内容,只需要考生做适当的发挥,而且已给出的提示信息往往非常有帮助,有利于考生顺藤摸瓜,找到解决问题的门径。例如2012年高考江苏卷作文题:

生活中冲突时有发生。假设你班同学苏华和李江打篮球时发生争执,导致关系紧张。请你结合此事,并根据以下提示,用英语写一篇短文,向学校英文报Happy Teens冶专栏投稿。

简要描述

事情的经过

打篮球、碰撞、争执,等等。

分析发生

冲突的原因

1.遇事不够冷静;

2……

谈谈避免

冲突的做法

请考生根据自己的经历或感想,提出至少两种做法。

根据作文题目要求,作文第二段要分析产生冲突发生的原因,是本篇作文的难点所在,许多考生怎么也理不出个头绪。但要是分析一下题目要求中已经给出的第一个原因遇事不够冷静,就可以得知,这是从个人情感控制能力的高低这方面去分析的。这样,我们就找到了切入口,还可以从对剧烈体育运动理解程度的高低、个人思想境界的高低、处理冲突方式的好坏和对比赛输赢认识程度的高低等其他几个方面去分析,从而把这个大话题分解成以下几个小问题:

Q1: Did they understand basketball is a tough game where pushing and bumping are very common?

Q2: Did they care too much about winning and losing?

Q3: Were they too self-centered? Were they considerate enough?

Q4: Were they calm enough when the conflict happened?

Q5: Did they handle the conflict wisely after it happened?

把这五个问题的答案用过渡语一连接,就成了一段不错的语篇:The conflict arose from the following factors. First, they didn’t understand basketball is a tough game where pushing and bumping are very common. Second, they cared too much about winning and losing. Third, they were too self-centered and not considerate enough. Fourth, they were not calm enough to handle the conflict in a wise way when the conflict happened.

㈡在开放式作文中的应用

近几年,高考作文命题逐渐体现开放性作文的大方向,主题力求贴近学生的生活实际,贴近时代的脉搏。提示信息越来越少,提示方式越来越灵活,发挥的空间也越来越大,需要考生说出真情实感。这对语篇的构思提出了更高的要求。例如2012年浙江卷的作文题:

你校正在进行英语读书周活动,该活动要求学生摘录名言佳句并相互交流。以下是某同学摘录的句子:Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you。请按下列要求用英语写一篇短文:

1.针对摘录句谈谈你的看法;

2.举例说明理由。

这篇作文有两个段落组成,第一段谈考生对被摘录句子的理解;第二段是距离书面理由。在第一段中,如何才能将这一句话发展成一个段落呢?这让许多考生犯了难。如果懂得运用目标分析法,那么问题就迎刃而解了。首先,找出构成这个句子中的主要基本元素是什么?

Basic elements

analysis

Your future

 

Many things

 

Mostly on you

 

在找出表格中的三个主要元素之后,再逐一对它们加以分析。

Q1: What is your future about?

(to be successful; to realize my dream; to reach a goal; to be famous; to make great contributions to society, etc.)

Q2. Your future is affected by many factors. What are they?

(They include great help from other, good opportunities, in-born talent; a good health; good education, etc.)

Q3: Of all the factors, which one is the most important? And why?

(The most important one is our hard work, strong determination, perseverance, positive attitude, etc.)

在分析了上面上个小问题之后,一个段落的主要内容就跃然纸上了。

Can we achieve great success in the future? Well, it is determined by many things, such as great help from other, good opportunities, in-born talent, a good health, good education. However, of all these factors, our strong determination, , positive attitude hard work play a more important role in realizing our dream.

㈢在漫画作文中的应用

漫画是刚兴起了一种高考作文给出提示情景的方式,要求考生一幅或多幅讽刺性或幽默性的绘画为素材写一篇文章。相比较而言,漫画提示的开放性更大,留给学生更广阔的自由发挥空间。例如2012福建卷的英语作文题:

假定你是某中学生英语报的小记者;以下漫画内容是你的所见所闻,谙根据要求写一篇英语短文投稿。

 

对待漫画作文,我们同样可以采用对象分析法,来找出写漫画作文的三个基本要素:

Basic elements

Analysis

漫画里面

画里面的内容是什么?

漫画后面

画后面的道理是什么?

漫画前面

画前面的你我他该怎么想怎么做?

漫画里面。对漫画进行描述,内容要简明扼要,切忌拖泥带水;语言要准确到位,切忌闲言碎语。换句话说,就是要用最简洁的语言概括出漫画的主要内容,例如上面这幅漫画的主要内容可以概括为:Last Sunday, I went sightseeing with my friends in the Fairy Lake Park. The park was full of freshness and beauty of spring, with the sun shining and birds singing. When I was enjoying the fantastic scenery around, something unpleasant caught my eye. A young couple in a boat were eating, talking and laughing loudly as if they were the only people in the world. What's worse, they spat and even threw rubbish into the lake, totally ignoring the noticeable sign "No Littering" nearby. What a shame!

漫画后面。对漫画中所讽刺或歌颂的现象进行简单剖析,透过现象看到本质,挖掘出隐藏在漫画后面的寓意,并从自己的立场做出客观评价。如果第一部分的写作手法是描述和记叙的话,那么,这个部分就主要是以议论为主了。关于上面的漫画,我们可以继续写道:Such behavior left me deep in thought. If all visitors to the Fairy Lake Park do as the couple did, the lake will be severely polluted and soon turned into a huge dustbin.

漫画前面。这一部分的表达开放性最大,需要学生自由发挥。但是,由于学生的阅历和知识面有限,所建议的对策在内容上雷同现象非常严重,千人一面,缺乏个性。最困难的地方,也是最容易出彩之处。在这个小环节中,还可以继续采用目标分析法来思考,发展最后一个段落(如下表)。最后,这篇作文可以这样来结尾:Authorities should step up supervision to ensure the park is tidy and clean. All the visitors in the park should mind our behavior in public places. As a student, I can do my bit to raise people’s awareness of protecting the parks. Only in this way can we live in more comfortable and beautiful surroundings.

Basic elements

Analysis

公园等管理机构

 

游客

 

我自己

 

三、遣词造句

拓展句子

段落由句子组成。可有时候,学生作文的字数达不到题目要求。其主要原因有三:其一,江苏等省市高考试卷提高了对英语作文的词数要求,达到150个左右;其二,部分省市高考试卷书面表达部分命题采用开放性作文,部分考生在发表自己的观点和看法时,觉得无话可说。其三,英语作文提示中文字表述部分减少,多由图表、图画等所代替,所给出的已知信息过少。在这种情况下,学生要学会通过拓展句子,来没话找话说,使作文的内容更加丰富,篇章长度满足要求。

先看一下2006年高考天津卷作文:

假设你是李华,在出国交流学习期间,到当地一家电影院看了一场精彩的电影,但在观影过程中发现了一些问题。请你根据下列提示用英语给影院经理写一封信(100字左右)。

1. 因广告过多,影片放映晚点;     

2. 影片播放音量过大;     

3. 安全出口标识不明。     

作文的提示信息只有短短的三句话,而考生需要基于这三句话写成一篇100字的英语作文,难度是有点大。但是,如果分析一下这三句话,就发现它们都有一点话说了半句,就打住的感觉,我们可以顺着它的意思往下说,假设出这三个问题可能引起的后果,学生可以自问自答下面三个问题:

Q1: The film was delayed. How did the audience react to it?

Q2. What harm did the loud sound of the film cause to the audience?

Q3. The exit is not clear enough. What would happen if there was a fire?

通过上面三个问题,就可以把作文提示中的三句话,拓展成下面的七句话(其中加下划线的句子为拓展的结果):

1.Because of too many ads at the beginning, the film was delayed, which made the audience impatient and even annoyed.

2.The sound of the film was very loud, which made the audience feel uncomfortable and could even cause damage to their hearing.

3.The exit is not clear enough. There is potential danger. If there was a fire, the audience would have troulbe finding the way out.

除了拓展因果之外,我们还可以拓展条件、目的或补充其他相关的信息。例如2011年高考天津卷作文题:

假设你是晨光中学学生会主席李华。你校将于626接待来自于美国某中学的学生访问团。你受学校委托,负责安排在津的一日活动。请根据以下提示,用英语给该团的领队Smith 先生写一封电子邮件,介绍活动计划并简要说明理由,最后征求对方意见。

1.上午与我校学生座谈;

2.中午与我校学生共同进餐;

3.下午与我校学生游览海河。

用同样的方法,考生可以问自己下面这些问题,来拓展句子:

Q1: American students will have a talk with Chinese students. What’s its purpose?

Q2. American students will have lunch in the school canteen. What Chinese traditional food will be served?

Q3: In the afternoon, American students will visit the Haihe River. What can the students in Tianjin tell about the river?

通过拓展目的、补充相关信息等手段,我们可以作文提示中的短短三句话,拓展成下面六句话(加下划线的句子为被拓展的部分):

1. In order to have a better understanding of each other, we’ll have a talk in the morning.

2. We will have lunch together in the school dining hall, where the traditional Chinese food such as jiaozi will be served.

3. In the afternoon, we will visit the Haihe River, which is the seventh longest river in China with fantastic scenery.

考生在拓展句子时,要从实际需要出发,不要信口开河,否则造成由于文章整体词数过多而被扣分;要从现有的信息出发,不要凭空捏造,否则容易给评卷老师留下该说的不说,不该说的写得过多的不良影响。

还有,我们可以根据实际情况添加一两句名言警句来点缀文章,不但能凑足作文字数,而且还会是文章显得有深度、有智慧,在评分上上一个档次。例如南京市2013届高三学情调研考试作文题:

如何利用课间10分钟?有些高中学生课间依旧在教室认真学习,也有些高中学生走出教室积极活动。请用英文写一篇短文,结合自身实际,谈谈你的感想,你更喜欢哪一种方式?简述理由。

We should learn to achieve a balance between work and rest. Just as a saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

又如2012年高考湖北卷作文题:

请根据以下提示,并结合事例,用英语写一篇短文。You cannot choose what you are given, but you can choose how you make use of it.

When you’re in a bad situation, don’t be discouraged. Instead, stay positive and turn it into a stepping stone to success. Just as a saying goes, life is like playing cards. you can't control the cards you're dealt, just how you play the hand.

再如2012年高考浙江卷作文题:

你校正在进行英语读书周活动,该活动要求学生摘录名言佳句并相互交流。以下是某同学摘录的句子:“Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you”。请按要求用英语写一篇短文。

Our future is determined by many things, such as opportunities and help form others, but our own attitude, determination and hard work play a more role. We’re the master of our own future. Just as a saying goes, God helps those who help themselves.

避免重复

在运用词语组织句子的时候,我们不但要保证用词得当和语法正确,而且还要符合英语的思维和表达习惯。句式单一,表达重复,是英语作文得高分的大敌。高考作文评分标准鼓励考生运用较多的语法结构和词汇,甚至可以容忍一些因为使用复杂结构或高级词汇造成的小错误。下面,就介绍一些避免表达重复的方法。例如2012届苏州高三调研测试(二)的作文题:

有人对林书豪Jeremy Lin的未来发展,进行了一项社会调查。请你根据调查结果写一篇150字的英语短文。

为什么能成功?

有人认为是因为勤奋;

有人认为是因为天赋;

有人认为是因为教育;

有人认为是因为运气;

是否会超越姚明?

70%的人认为一定能;

20%的人认为不可能;

10%的人觉得不好说。

你的观点,以及理由。

根据作文要求中的提示信息,有七个地方含有有人认为,四句话中要表达因果关系,非常容易造成表达雷同,不但自己作文中的句式类似,而且还容易与其他考生的作文相似。在这种情况下,学生可以采用同义词、反义词、改变词性等方法,来使自己的表达丰富多彩,比如作文的第一段可以被表达为:

Some people think he is successful because of his hard work. Some people consider his talent as a main factor of his success. It’s also believed that the good education he has received lead to his success. But some people argue that he has achieved success just because he is lucky.

另外,受中文影响,中国学生总喜欢用人或表示人的词汇来做主语。例如2012年高考全国卷II作文题:

假定你是李华。你班同学决定为小明举办生日聚会。请你写信邀请外教Susan参加,要点包括:

 时间:周五晚8点至9

 地点:学生俱乐部

 内容:生日歌、蛋糕、游戏等

 要求:备小礼物

…①We’re throwing a surprise party for Xiaoming’s birthday. ②We’d like to invite you to the party. We want to give him a surprise, so please keep quiet about it. We’ll gather at the Students’ Club at 8 p.m. this Friday, after the evening classes. And it’s going to last about an hour. ④We each will prepare a little present. When he comes, we’ll light the candles and sing “Happy Birthday” together for him. ⑤Then we will cut the cake and we’ll sing songs and play games. ⑥We will be glad to see how excited he will be. I’m sure you’ll have a good time at the party, too….

其实,还有表示物的名词、不定式、动名词、形式主语it、从句等来充当句子主语。上面加下划线的句子课改为:

①A surprise party will be thrown for Xiaoming’s birthday.

②It’s our great honour to invite you to the party.

③In order to give him a surprise, everyone should keep quiet about it.

④A little present will be prepared.

⑤The cake will be cut.

⑥It’s nice to see how excited he will be.

Hope you will have a good time at the party, too.

除了改变句子的主语之外,我们还可以通过添加副词、介词短语、非谓语动词等,改变一个句子的开头。

1. The economy is developing fast, and more and more people can afford private cars.2012年无锡模拟)

2. We shouldn’t blame each other. We should communicate more and put ourselves in others’ shoes.2012江苏卷)

上面的两句可以改变为:

1. With the rapid development of economy, more and more people can afford private cars.

2.Instead of blaming each other, we should communicate more and put ourselves in others’ shoes.2012江苏卷)

筹建高级词汇库

每一个人头脑中,都有一个英汉对照的词汇库,而且最先学到的英语单词记得最牢固,最容易提取。比如当说到“漂亮的”时,学生首先想到的英文单词时beautiful,其实,到了高三以后,学生已经学到了许多个表示这个意思的单词了,比如fantastic, unique, superb, awesome, spectacular, impressive, marvelous, breathtaking, splendid, gorgeous, amazing等。为了能及时提取出高级词汇,学生到了高中之后,要及时更新自己的常用词汇库,最后能有一个笔记本,专门几下一写常用单词的高级表达方式。

小词巧用

在英语写作中,会经常使用到一些高频出现的词汇,词汇绝大数学生都能想到并且会使用,显得平淡无奇。但是,我们可以稍加改变,就会使它们与众不同。比如对下面的常用短语的改变:

I (strongly) suggest that 

I (firmly) believe that 

I (sincerely) hope that 

I (fully) support that 

as is (vividly) shown in the picture

have (a profound) effect on

make a (big) difference to 

take (effective) measures to

play a (vital) role in 

小词巧用,最能体现出一个学生的写作功力,这是因为两方面的原因:其一,中国学生在用英语表达时缺乏使用形容词和副词的意识;其二,这种能力的养成基于在平时阅读中的大量积累,不是一两天就能一蹴而就的。

英语思维简单化

为什么提倡英语作文思维简单化?这主要是出于两方面的考虑:

首先,中文表达讲究“弦外之音和言外之意”,爱兜圈子,比较含蓄,用不等式来表示,就是“语言<信息”。而英语则是一种细节化的表达语言,可用等式表示成“语言=信息”,用英语来说就是,I say what I mean and I mean what I say

其次,中国学生的汉语水平肯定远远高于他们的英文表达水平,在汉英转换的时候,最好把他们的汉语水平降到英语水平,采用简单英语思维方式去表达,这样难度会小一点,比如在翻译“不入虎穴,焉得虎子”等中文成语或谚语时,我们常常采用这种简化方式,先把这个谚语简单理解为“要做得大事情,就得敢于冒险,然后再表达成:If you want to achieve great success in life, sometimes you need to face challenges and even take risks.

对于一些难以表达的事物,我们可以偶尔采取解释、简化、甚至忽略等方式去处理,比如下面这句话:学校开展了五讲四美三热爱树新风活动。

与其硬碰硬,把五讲四美三热爱直译成别人看不明白的Five Talks Four Beauties Three Love,倒不如打一个擦边球,故意“含糊其辞”地说成The school held a campaign to improve the students’ moral standards.

用英语诠释或下定义

在学习中文的过程中,老师很少向学生提出“什么是一张桌子”等类似的问题,但是,英语思维和表达却非常注重诠释或下定义。所以说,要想真正写好英语作文,我们必须学会抓住事物的基本属性和本质特征,去描述说明。在平时写作训练中,可以加强这一方面能力的培养,例如先让学生看下面这张图片:

 

然后,再问他们“What’s a UFO?”,让他们尝试从不同角度去定义图片上的事物。如果学生有困难,老师还可以用一些问题来加以引导,降低难度:

Q1: Is it a person or an object?

Q2: Where does it come from?

Q3: Can it fly?

Q4: Do we know much about it?

给学生下定义的事物,既可以是具体的,也可以是抽象的;既可以是常见的,也可以是生僻的。久而久之,学生就会养成用于简单英语进行思维、描述、诠释或下定义的习惯了。

结束语

英语写作训练是一个长期的系统工程,不是通过一两节课或高考前突击一段时间就能解决问题的。我们要静下心来,制定一个详细科学的写作训练计划,把写作与听说读等有机地结合起来,尤其培养学生在英语阅读中养成积累好词好句好段落的习惯,并按照话题整理到自己的笔记本上去,建立一个自己的写作语言库。除了模拟卷上的作文以外,仿写、改写、缩写、背诵优美语篇等都是非常好的写作训练方式。教师要精选与学生的学习和生活密切相关的写作话题,避免“写作内容幼稚化”的倾向。

 

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